Maleeeeya

twenty four.

2008-03-24T09:08:00.001+08:00

It's the 24th today. That number sure has a meaning. I hope all goes well today. :)..

estatic food

2008-03-20T06:48:00.004+08:00

Suprisingly, I am in Chester right now. Plans of my Easter Vacation is just so messed up. I'm sorry for dragging any of you into this mess. It's such a huge disappoinment that plans don't go well. But here I am trying to make the best of it. The plan to stay in Chester was the 2nd week of Easter but it changed to the first week so Kay's plans were disturbed as well. :s I'm sorry Kay :(. So did Maya's and Amy's. Sigh. Was pretty upset when I found out that the dates went all haywire on me. I want to thank Kaydee for helping me tolerate this mess. Otherwise, I would've broken down and gone back to Brunei the instant I found out that it was so messed up.

Now, I just want to go with the flow and not plan anything at all. I really hate it when thing don't go the way we want it to. Talk about imagining actually meeting THE person this easter, heh. Alright, i've gotta push all that into my past and hope that I'll forget about it sooner. There's actually a lot on my mind and everything isn't crystal clear. Nevertheless, i am still alright and living my life. I just need to sort my life out properly and layout the stars and steps.

I slept over Hermitage for two nights in a row and all I do there is EAT. I've gained a lot, especially being unable to run the calories off. bummer. Now, I'm in Chester and fooooood is just non-stop. The company here is just so smoothingly comfortable that I tend to eat more.

Blueberry with apple crumble~

Apple crumble

Mashed potatoes with eggs

Mashed carrots with turnips and parsnips

The blueberry apple crumble with vanilla ice cream

too youngg

2008-03-17T12:16:00.004+08:00

It's 15 minutes past 4 am here and I'm simply bored. I just feel content lately so I'd like to apologize earlier.

Anyway, as I said in the earlier posts that every weekend since 1st weekend in March would be packed by different games. The Brunei Society Loughborough team sent their netball team to all three games namely the Malaysian Sheffield Games (1st March 2008), BruLeicester Games (8th March 2008), Brunei Easter Games in Notts (15th March 2008).

The earlier games before BEG were just merely to gain experience for our players, unfortunately I injured my ankle when I played the first game in Sheffield. So, I had to back off and give up my position in the BruLeics and Brunotts game. I was really bummed having to sit out the two games. But as everyone says, everything happens for a reason. I guess there was a reason behind it and I don't really mind not knowing why.

It feels tremendously good meeting my friends after a long long time. I met most of the BSP scholars, mostly from Sheffield and of course Nottingham. I realised one thing for sure, that BruneiStudents are mostly sporty. I am proud of that fact.

Three of the BSP Scholars!
What I really want to say is that the LufBru Netball Team did well in all the games and brought back to Loughborough a gold medal and a gold trophy! They played their hearts out and all the training was worth it! Congratulations girls..

BruLeics, the girls brought home a gold medal and the guys brought home a silver medal

The girls loving their medals

BruNotts, First place!

It was a crazy day, I jumped a few times when we won in the finals and realised that my ankle hurt badly after a while. I guess it was the adrenalin! I was so happy and when the team captain talked to both Lufbru 1 and LufBru 2, I nearly let out tears because what she said touched me.

I am going to miss these two, I guess I was getting comfortable having these two always around me.. :).. I know I gotta cheer up. hehe. Will do, not to worry!

easterr

2008-03-16T09:12:00.001+08:00

Spring is here...

and it's alright. My easter vacation has started, hence more korean time for me!

My loveliesss!! Aimu thanks for coming over and Ajim have fun in brunei :P

Kay: ko siring ku so inda pyh ckp apa2!..

Mami and daddy : jntah worried. Im alright :P

congrats lufbru

2008-03-09T10:14:00.002+08:00

We came back home with glory in our hearts! The girls brought back gold medals while the guys brought back the bronze medal. Need to say more? I'm happy about that but at the same time i feel sad that I didn't get a chance to play. Bummer.

another friday

2008-03-08T04:56:00.002+08:00

My day didn't start as good because it started with an argument but thankfully that atmosphere weren't dragged throughout the whole day. I didn't have labs today so I only had one class, it was a problems class. It went smoothly but my feet was hurting terribly. Me being me, all confused and tangled up inside wanted to go out, so Ajim and Kaydee went out with me. Kaydee and me brought crepes while Ajim went somewhere to buy her things. We sat on our usual bench and met Zaw. Usually it would be us three girls with Zai but Zai went to Kent so Zaw was like his substitute. Talked about a lot of things ranging from family to our course. It was funfun although the wind was piercing. Went grocery shopping as well with them lot. Now I'm back in my room and my feet hurts. My heart hurts. My mind is tangled up. Wawawawa.. Funny no?

I hope tommorrow's a better day. :) Let's just hope it would be.

Sheffield Malaysian Games

2008-03-03T00:49:00.004+08:00

I didn't sleep early the night before so was pretty exhausted plus we had to wait for hours and hours because our match was at 4. *yawn* Pictures say a thousand words right?

And... what happened after the game...

ended up in this..

It's pretty swollen now. But not to worry :) Im fine.

The story of a jam donut

2008-03-01T08:58:00.002+08:00

HAHA. Okay the topic is an inside joke. It was a gloomy day today but it went well. I have a netball tournament in Sheffield later and it's 2 already. *laughs* I'm just too hyper right now, but then I pissed someone off. Uh oh, sorry you, jangan marah ye?? I'm uber hyper and I can't help it, thanks to the Cadbury Flakes I just ate. Darn it.

Oyasumi nasai minna san.

take it easy

2008-02-29T08:48:00.003+08:00

This is very random but I want new headscarves. It's hard to find a shop here in Loughborough that sells headscarves and I miss just scanning through them random designs. *hints mami* Hehehehehehehehhehehe.

I attended this Islamic talk this evening and it was inspiring. The man asked us all who have read the Quran from cover to cover, well being a muslim most of us had done so. Then he asked us who have read the Quran in our own mother tongue, thanks to the encouragement of my parents I've done so as well so I raised my hand. Then the last question, he asked who knows what we're actually reciting during "tahayat", I once knew what it meant but I guess after years of ignoring such meaning made me forget about it. I felt guilty. Now, my aim is to find out the meaning of everything that I say during my prayers. The man himself, helped us by giving us CDs that contained translations of what we recite in our prayers.

I felt relieved after the talk. I guess it was also due to the fact that I met my muslim friends who I hung out with during the fasting month when we broke our fast together. =) All smiles from me.

2008-02-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

*laughs*

I was being emotional, nothing in particular again though.

I feel so unproductive today and am slacking. Tsk tsk.

NO ONE

2008-02-28T10:48:00.002+08:00

LufBru had a footie and netball session today and I played both. Thanks to our news Sports Secretaries Boon Jing and Asri for organising such events. I can't wait for more sports, please more and more. I want to do one day straight of sports. I want to go swimming then jogging and go play netball with a bit of badminton and footie then some dodgeball maybe.

Yes, I am trying to ignore the hurt. My past is haunting me, what did I do wrong that I'm unable to start anew, clean from the past. Past is past people might say, but it never gets past you. It frigging stays. I can't deny that the things that happened in the past weren't at all good, some of it were the main reasons that I am who I am today with my personality and attitude. I've moved on and I am moving on again. Seems to me every single thing I've done is wrong.

I am really upset at this point and I hope whoever hates me or dislikes me or have been talking behind my back is having the time of their life. Take this for granted and laugh it off. Laugh it all off. Laugh, please do. It'll make me feel better. At least someone is laughing at my misery, at least someone is happy.

No one, can ever understand me. No one. Full stop.

NO ONE.

busybusycrazy? still is

2008-02-26T08:24:00.001+08:00

Ever felt neglected?

Nothing in particular though, I've done my presentation slides and the big day's tommorrow. Apparently, I scored a B for my first lab report, I hope to score more than that for the coming one. I had labs until 6 in the evening and I'm knackered from all the work. It's nearly one now and I'm still awake and tired. Darn, I've a class at 9 as well. Oh well, oyasumi nasai minna san.

oh. something random

2008-02-25T09:15:00.002+08:00

Paintball was uberly awesome, I have a few bruises on my left shoulder and arm but nothing bad enough to make me cry. My arms feels numb at times but I guess that's how it's suppose to feel. I had fun and I met a lot of my friends that I haven't met for a long time. I got to meet my cousin from Southampton as well, yes, the one who bought me the I-pod. I am going to pay him a visit if I have time in Easter because he doesn't mind me staying in his room in his hostel. He suggested that I come in maybe mid May because his mother and brother are coming and he may rent a room for us. But I'd have to check with my exam timetable first. I am excited because I can't wait to go there from what I gather from Ms Pedaaaah~ soton is fun!

I want to travel to Cardiff as well and stay at Jimbo's. Two of the buiiis are going there nextweek, unfortunately I've signed up for Netball for the Malaysian Sheffield Games on the 1st March. Wheeeeeee..

Work is pouring in. I have two presentations, one due tommorow, two AutoCad drawings, two lab reports. Busybusycrazybusy. I want to keep up with the pace but I find it hard because I'm still exhausted. I hope by tommorow I'd gather my strength ON MY OWN and be able to do it.

Missing my family but it's alright four more months to go. I can do this, I can I can. Ma, bah, Shibaby, Bengali ;; rinduu!

milo mana?

2008-02-22T09:09:00.002+08:00

It's 10 minutes past 1 am here. So it's already the 22nd. Before I forget I'd like to wish GMBC a happy 22nd Birthday. Jangan marah2 ;)

Anyway, this week has beeen really fast and I am liking it. Yesterday's netball session was great because I played like mad in the freezing cold. Train train train. There are three big games coming up, Malaysian Sheffield Games on the 1st March, BruLeicester Games on the 8th March and 15th March, BEG Brunotts. My Saturdays are well booked now ;). Two more presentations to go and it'll be easter. I can't wait for easter and back to all the slacking and korean series. That's what my life had been ;)

It's been freezing here since last weeeeek and I think it's getting better. Oh well, gotta get some rest. Kam's coming later late at night to go Paintballing in Birmingham on Saturday and there's another training session on Sunday. I am loving it~

Daddy, I love you so so so muchhhh. Kisskiss.

when are you coming to visit me here? I am running out of milo :(

Bday wishes

2008-02-19T23:24:00.004+08:00

Two greetings to two of my most precious babies.

Happy 19th on the 15th February sayangs.. I hope you had a blast and I love the lilies!! Many happy returns and yes I miss you too..

Happy 3rd Birthday Ziqah. Kaka loves you every so dearly and simpan ur baby atu okay. I'll get you a new one soon. Hugs and kisses.

Dedicationn

2008-02-18T19:52:00.001+08:00

This video is for the Emancipation of the Untouchable Shimmering Stars.

sigh

2008-02-18T07:04:00.002+08:00

This video was inserted at the end of the our show, mine, Ajim, Kaydee, Zainul and Hazwan. The song is a touching, well to us it is. Today, is the end of week 1. I am not looking forward to week 2, I have nothing to look forward to. Especially working with the SAME people I had for coursework. What a nuisance. But oh well, gotta be patient.

Test me with my patience will you.. sigh.. Goodnight people..

So many shocking news this week, Al-Fatihah to those who have gone.. I hope next week would be a better one :').. ma.. i need ur hug..

so patient..

OVER

2008-02-17T07:06:00.004+08:00

My dinner~ Mushroom based soup with rice. *slurp* I am hungry again. Sigh. Lapar na pagot na tireddd na akooooo.. Hahaha

// you.. you.. youu.... hehehehehehhe... i heart you immensely..

some random thought, I want to go swimming :| I'm currently on the 9th Episode of 18vs29, a funny one ;) To those who are looking for teary-eyed series, watch "1 litre of tears" a Japanese Series, trust me, if you are a family person you will cry. I know my previous picture was scary to some people. Sorry, the post too.

signing out,
OVERCARING, OVERSENITIPS, OVEROVER :P . haha it's an inside joke.

takut..

2008-02-15T03:56:00.004+08:00

I am in a state of guilt right now. 0=) I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and sometimes it just makes me so scared that I do not want to face the truth or the reality. :| Nyam. Help me?

Amal takut. Nada rasa security at all. Sigh. Apa mal takutkan, inda amal tau. Sigh.

short update

2008-02-12T06:33:00.000+08:00

I am back and ready for Semester 2. Day one has passed, another few more weeeeks to!

My colourful dinner.. What do you get when you're too lazy to cook two seperate dishes? You add them all together into one. Seafood and veggies. My mom is so gonna kill me when she finds out I'm eating prawns. *scratches* =P soorry mami..

And oh, the bruise I got. It hurts..

// I don't want to own you, I just want to trust you..

I believe the feelings that I am experiencing right now is just karma, I am not sure if it's what I want myself to believe or if it is actually true. My heart just aches deep down but at the same time I was able to smile and laugh whenever the moment comes. Feelings come and goes. Thoughts stays, memories disappear. We choose what we want to cherish, what we want to believe and hope for the best. I am truly disappointed in myself, that what I've become today had hurt so many people along the way. You know when one puts oneself in solitude hoping forgiveness, one really hopes that forgiveness one would get. I hope that concludes why I want to just disappear for a while.

Apart from that I am missing my family badly. Greater things would happen. Worse things no doubt could happen to. I have no limitations to the expectations in mind. Look in the mirror and see what you can do to make this world a better place for people to live in. It's midnight here and I guess my sleeping pattern is changing it's ways again. I feel like shutting down from this very space.

Ah yes, a lot of things to look forward to. :) Sab and Mase would be coming over soon. Sigh, too bad that my timetable's full, I don't have time to run to reduce mystress. Hug? Anyone? :')

// you'll never know what I think.. you'll never know how i really feel.. or will you?

away from here

2008-02-06T06:01:00.001+08:00

i'll be gone for a few days. you know where to find me. :):):).

Very random.

2008-02-05T07:42:00.000+08:00

I deserve the blame, the guilt and everything else. No one is ever wrong about how they feel when something happens either to them or the things around them as it is only natural for a human being to do so. I understand that fully. All i want to say is I am sorry for not being able to accommodate such a behaviour to make everyone I care about happy. I take full responsibilities for my actions and please do tell me whenever I reach such a state.

I just needed to let that out..

thebengs

2008-02-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

it's two hours till my exams, but as I was browsing facebook, Aa posted this picture up. AND OH MY GOD. :').. We three went through a lot together. Namely.. H***, A****** and J****.. Oh my goddd... I can never thank you the bengs enough. Sigh those sweet times.. Those emotional times.. KB2.. :').. I miss u girls to bits of piecesss...

two moree

2008-02-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

I've a feeling that these next two papers are going to be my worst ever. I've no confidence at all and I'm nervous. :| I need my mom here :( sigh. I can't sleeep.

Please give me strength..

dedication

2008-02-04T06:29:00.000+08:00

//hey you, this is for you :P All the best for your next two papers and for mine too. It's funny that we laugh about random things that when you think about it, it's actually not funny. Thank you for always backing me up and making me feel better when you do know that I may be wrong. I know that guilt is unstoppable but you can just make it disappear like that. Talking with you for hours and hours. Hehehe.

Soup

2008-02-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

Me and my soup. :) I am a huge fan of soups. :) hahaha. OKay nuff said, i should go back to studying

patient.

2008-02-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Tommorrow's my next paper and the day after. Sigh. I've received my timetable as well and semester two is really killing me. A full day schedule every week and the week starts of with labs in the afternoon. How good is that? Thank god that it's only 13 weeks, but 13 weeks sounds scary as well because there would be another two weeks of exams.

Some people just can not stay of your back can they. Which part of ignore me and get on with your life didn't you understand? Some people just know how get onto my nerves.

4? U KIDDING?

2008-02-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

//i havent lost weight u silly :p

Today it snowed as you can see in my video, it snowed again after midnight. Now, the pavement's white and it's a nice sensual view from my window. It's 15 minutes to 4am.. HAHAHAHA. okay bye.

storm? Iguess

2008-02-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

Hi. Amalia here. Twas snowing, I don't know if it was snow or otherwise, but yarrr. Typical day it is, sunny in the very morning and gloomy in the afternoon. Korean series are like battery chargers to my life. Nyam. Always will be..

A special post

2008-01-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

This girl is wonderful and it's her birthday. It's her 19th and she deserves her very own special post. One of the-buiiis girls, one of the special people in my life. A yellow lover and adorable. She may look tiny but she has a great big heart. I love you Kamkam.

This is her recent picture~

I heart youuu..

songer

2008-01-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

I havent slept yet...At all.. Hehehehe.. I like this song..

Maybe it's the accoustic sound. It's just soothing. Teehee.

The sister

2008-01-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

The Lau Girls. People who knows what it means you better be proud of yourselves.

The main reason for this post. She keeps me going eventhough I am like the cruelest sister ever. I miss spending time with her, being able to make my parents get really angry with her. Use her phone just for the sake of disturbing her. She is very competitive when it comes to education and fortunately so far she hasn't reached that goal yet to beat me. :P It's okay shibaby, you just need to strive for the best and you can do better ;) I believe in you. I believe that she would follow my steps in the future to be able to continue her studies no matter where. She seems to have this passion in computing as well as photography. I know she's currently using my old laptop the hewlett-packard laptop that I got when I was in form three. Bear with it sister, you would soon get one soon. I promise you.

This winter vacation when I went home, she's been pestering my mother with her hair. It was too long for her liking. SO.. i took her to the salon and cut it really short. Now, she looks like a guy, Ms. Berry style. I hope she won't hate me. It's just my mom doesn't go to the salon as much as I did so the only time my sister would get a haircut is when I'm around. Hence the short-cut. Ah, this girl, her natural curls are just the best. She got the curls from my mother and I envy them both for their super pretty curls.

Anyway, my sister has this habit of biting her nails and before she wore spectacles she used to look at the television sideways because she couldn't see. How adorable is she? She is my number one dance mat partner while my brother is my guitar hero mate. Note: she sucks at tekken 5 *laughs hard*

Okay back to reality, I hope you like all the things that I got you Shibaby. Ah yes, photography.. I did mention it right? Well here are some pictures I want to share and show.

Nice right? I mean for a 14 year old I'm very impressed. So check her out.. Shibaby

Ah a random photo I found while we were waiting for our coach in London, playing the usual big two ;) I miss my curls badlyy

2008-01-27T12:52:00.000+08:00

I..

am...

currently..

addicted..

to..

MY GIRL..

the korean drama series...

it's now 5am in the morning..

im still awake..

watching the 9th episode..

i am crazy..

and in love..

with the actor...

NYEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE..

cuteness..

2008-01-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

This was the typical weather for Loughborough last week. Depressing much? Of course it is. I fel t homesick at the same time, think about that. Being alone in your room with that weather and try to study because exams are near. Blah, that was last week. I want to thank my friends who were there for me. And hey, to the people who weren't does not mean that you don't care. I know that sillybillies.

That mood eventually changed, little things just brighten up my day; for example these few pictures. I am in love with this baby girl and I am missing her terribly. Kisses.
Ah yes, that umbrella for a rainy day just incase who were here with me? Awww. I pray for your wellness my dear Ziqah. I hope you are feeling better. I know you won't read this :P But yes, kaka sayang ziqah!

The infamous pose that I taught all my little ones, "kaka amal punya sign cemana?" them: "peaceee!!"

Yes smile that's it dearest. ;) I stare at these few pictures and lights up my heart even after a bad day. Kids are adorable when they're not seven yet. =p

Ah yes, what do you get? ME!!! Smiling.. Well, I don't have a picture of me smiling yet but yeaaa..

One exam done, two more to go. I know most of my friends are done with theirs and I envy them. Especially the ones who has two weeks off now before semester 2. Everything's all good.

Post-microbiology-chemical-biological-reactions-exam pose! Pout? Not so because of the pictures that were sent to me. I had only two hours of sleep but I'm still wide awake now although my head kinda hurts. I haven't eaten anything yet because I don't know what to cook. Maybe I'll go get some salmon and eat sashimi instead? But I want chopsticks, the ones sold here are chinese ones, they're too long for my liking. Salmon is heaven here, as fresh as they can be and cheap as well. Cheaper than other fishes. Ah well, I guess I should sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of my day.

//thank you for the early e-mail ;) heart you so much.

stay healthy

2008-01-25T04:23:00.000+08:00

My only meal today, ignore the white pepper I added to it. I just felt cold today, I hope I won't catch a fever anytime soon. Anyway, all the best chemical engineers.

Tommorow's the first fight. :)

// how was urs? i heart you too..

Seventeen..

2008-01-24T07:39:00.000+08:00

17 Months of Love

Hehehehhehe.. You put a smile on my face ;)

what i feel?

2008-01-23T04:36:00.000+08:00

.........

song

2008-01-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

This song makes me happy :)

I feel deceived by something, I'm not sure yet what but I am not calm.

amal rindu babah :'(

Happy Birthday Ma.

2008-01-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Maaaamiii. You're as beautiful as you can be and I love you. I hope you had a great time at home with Babah and them all. Don't cry too much because it'll ruin you're prettypretty face. I know I didn't message you straight away when the clock struck 12 nor when I woke up in the morning but know that I love you with all my heart. You have been there from the moment I was in your tummywummmy :P and words could not describe how much love there is in me for you. Put a smile on that face and don't let yourself slack watching korean series like I do. p/s: amal mau lagiii korean series mami :p Nyeheheh. I want to thank you for always being there for me and supporting me through thick and thin. Loving me eventhough I haven been naughty at times 0=) I want to hug you badly right now mamii.

Hugs and kisses from your daughter.

p.p.s: mr ohh pun cakap happy birthday ma :p

just a small matter

2008-01-20T18:27:00.001+08:00

It feels like winter is nearly over, it's getting warmer each day despite the winds and rain.

Has got to be the most awkward conversation ever. Hey people, Mr. Ohh is a secret. He will eventually reveal himself. Suprisesuprise :P I've got my exams so do not ask me who he is. I can't stop smiling because of this.

Anyway, I am addicted to my laptop, someone needs to keep it away from me for the time being. I just can't seem to get a grip on me real life. Nyahaha. Gosh, I am a happy bunny. Real updates in two weeks yes?? I envy those who has done their exams and are well relaxed by now :P

// tell me when you're heree mr. crazy :P

thank you

2008-01-19T20:16:00.001+08:00

My mom is just so adorable!! These simple things can make my day you know. I'm off to a good start, waking up to see some offline messages. At least he's forgiven me :) It's all good now. I am happy.

Anyway, netball last night was like playing basketball. Thank god I don't feel sore today, I pulled both the muscles on my left and right leg. So they told me to stop and get some rest. But I feel good. Went for a morning jog as well. I'm happy.

Thank you all. Thank you. :)

a piece of me

2008-01-18T21:49:00.001+08:00

A piece of my heart is currently sick. It affects the whole heart.

When my mom told her that this picture was for me and she managed to pull a smile on her face for me.
Awh. :') Sigh..

I had a morning walk alone today, so I decided to roam around town and do a bit of groceries shopping. It was pretty warm for a windy day. But that's that. Revision is up.

please tell me..

2008-01-18T18:21:00.000+08:00

// Little Bit - Forget about me

I want to go home.. :'(..

harz, i love..

2008-01-18T01:02:00.000+08:00

MY FRIENDS ARE AMAZING.

// so are you

Oh man, I've trouble sleeping. There's just so much onmy mind.. Sigh..

PS I love you

2008-01-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

P.S I love you was a pain. What Fidz said was true, to not compare it to the book itself. I'm glad that I've read the book ages ago so the images weren't as clear as it was in my head. But anyway, something happened before the movie so I was emotional beforehand. Each letter sent got me straight to my heart and it's crazy holding in such emotions. I was suffocating in the cinema because of the story, but not only that the temperature in cinema was high and it sucked. Too many people. I wouldn't call it a great movie at all, it's just alright. It's a one-time-only type of movie.

// you're a great person, do you know that? =D

posted

2008-01-17T20:33:00.001+08:00

dont.

2008-01-16T14:31:00.000+08:00

Just when everything starts to be better; I felt better things just comes crashing down on me again. What is wrong with this life? I seriously dont understand :'(.

//don't bother.

I talked to Fidz last night, and she made me realise that my heart is already fully taken by Mr. Ohh. I realised that, and it's true. Thank you Fidz. That was the reason that I was happy despite the mess I am in.

//See, when I think about it, it made me smile that my heart's with you.

I am in love, I really am in love. All of you just need to wait if this is really going to happen, because only Allah can determine if it is. Because I'm wishing everything is going to be alright.

-tears and laughter. I just feel happy that im in love with you. I love you.

Night in Manchester

2008-01-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

The three guy scholars who accompanied me to the dinner in Salford, The Lowry Hotel

Pictures of me, (mama, right click and save this, it's all for you.. Mr. Ohh, it's for you too..)

The two BLNG lads.

It was a great experience meeting the Minister of Energy. I am proud of my country, I am proud to have such a man as a minister of my country. You can tell from the way he presented his presentation that he is intelligent. He has sent a message to all of the students regarding how energy is really important. He showed us the subsidies the government had to deal with due to our low costs in Brunei. It really did hit me. Although we were standing for quite sometime, but what the Minister said was so clear and it went into my head. It was a fantastic night with good food. The salmon was delicious.

After the journey, I headed to Sheffield to join the guys. We hung out at Hamzi's place eating pizza. We talked, discussed a lot of things and played jenga. I was really tired that I couldn't concentrate much on the game. I had fun guys thank you :). The scenery in Sheffield was great, too bad it was drizzling otherwise I would love a tour. Maybe next time.

I'm back in Loughborough. I should be catching up on my sleep right now, but I'm a tad bit worried about someone. I hope you do understand.

The people who I really miss:

I looked so happy next to my sister, I can see it in my eyes. I know it's crazy, it's just not the same here is it? By the way, Happy Belated Birthday Daddy. I love you so much.

Dinner with the Minister of Energy

2008-01-15T19:26:00.001+08:00

The MD of Brunei Shell with all of the BSP scholars that was present.

The first year students that were present with our Minister.

First years with our MD.

Credits to Hamzi for the pictures.

morning person

2008-01-14T13:50:00.000+08:00

Good morning to everyone in the UK and a very good afternoon to those back in Brunei. I think I am experiencing jet lag and this time it is worse than the other. I used to wake up latest by 8 am for the previous jetlag experience but now I wake up at 4 or 5. I woke up at 3.57am sharp and I woke up feeling empty and I couldn't set my mind right. I couldn't find peace in myself. It's nearly 6 which means I've been up for the past two hours staring into the screen, trying to figure out a way for me to keep things calm.

I wanted to talk to a few people but they are currently available. The cause may be the time difference but then the people here are just fast asleep :p My room is a complete mess right now because I haven't unpacked properly. I just couldn't be bothered to do so.

I only came back from Brunei and the University has not started yet but me and my friends has already been thinking about booking/buying tickets to Brunei. There's a proposal date for us to return to Brunei, Mr. Ohh and Ms. Lobster has. I can't wait for the day itself and spend three more months there. Unfortunately I'd have to be away from my family because I've to do an attachment. Yes, I've talked about the sacrifices in my previous posts. They're still afresh in my memory because I only read them a few days ago.

Yesterday, was do-nothing day. I woke up early, went online and did basically nothing. Skyped with my mom and the rest of the family, chatted with Mr. Ohh and tried to get some sleep. I felt really dizzy and unhealthy yesterday. I was freezing although my room is known to be one of the warmest room when compared to my friends'. I am still freezing now and I feel sad. I'm in my PJs my mom bought me in marks spencer which has a hoodie, socks on with a cute pink blanket around me. And I'm still freezing. I want to cry but I can't seem to get the tears dripping.

//i can't wait for us to be in the same time zone. i hope everything would be easier then. i lovelove you..

pictures

2008-01-13T23:21:00.001+08:00

Mr Ohh is on my mind, he is.

2008-01-12T21:02:00.000+08:00

Heck, the past few weeks were too emotional for me and something just happened that made me closed my blog down. I am now back in Loughborough and my emotions are still unstable. My mother woke me up to skype with her but the feelings in my heart were too tangled up and I know I'd just get angry because of the tons of the questions she was going to ask me. I know it's because she cared, and now when I think of it I'm always like that. Driving the people I love away from me. It's just selfish of me that I do want to talk when I need to but hey, I'm just tired. I know I have the habit of not answering people on MSN or their messages but I am just tired. I don't want to talk unless I want to. I know this kind of attitude needs to be reconsidered.

Being in Brunei was one of the happiest moments of my life. Being so closed to my parents, my mother who gave birth to me, my dad who has been responsible for me. my siblings who had been there for me since I was born. Leaving them behind has always been one fact that I've always hated. No matter if it was going to Japan, Seria, UK or even just camping. But things have to change, I have to change with time. To adapt to my surroundings, living life without them; being independent. I've experienced this, the last three months and it just all came back to me after the trip to Brunei. I was happy but I did not have fun. I couldn't have fun. There was just too much on my mind. I wanted to eat everything that was on my mind but at the same time I did not have the appetite to. I wanted to see all my friends who I've left but at the same time, the time was limited. I wanted my time to be more spent with the family. Please forgive me to those who wanted to see me.

Uni starts in two nights, and tommorrow is the last day of the winter vacation. Exams are coming soon and I need to get a grip on my Uni life ASAP. I flunked one of my coursework test bad and I need to improve on it otherwise it would reflect on my overall results.

I am really really sorry that I haven't been letting in people easily into my mind nor heart. I really am.

//mr. ohh.. get well soon okay :P

Back in the UK

2008-01-12T17:00:00.001+08:00

I miss you Izaaa..

and now I'm in the UK :)

Happy much? He set me as his number one priority. Who wouldn't be?

I'm still tired because of the lack of sleep. Sigh. Will get back, leave your links :) Comment me.

2008-01-01T19:18:00.000+08:00

It's only the 1st day of 2008. It started off well but I guess the lack of sleep kicked in. I had only about two hours of sleep and went off to a busy day. My, was I moody today. What's irritating me is, when i was free I couldn't sleep. So here I lay, and I still am on my bed watching Princess Hours and copying files to my new 500GB hard disk. I am going to go in a bit, but yeah a little announcement:

I am in BRUNEI.

I won't be suprised if most of you have known this so-called secret. Time flies really fast and me being me, thinking about the future; I really feel upset. I am going to leave my family. And face the emotions all over again. To my friends who are currently in Brunei, forgive me for not going out with you guys as soon as possible. I just need more time to be here in my very own home sweet home.

2007-12-29T05:01:00.000+08:00

hehehe. :) i am happy....

hols commences

2007-12-18T04:48:00.001+08:00

Not bad looking for girls who haven't slept.

LufBru Team 2 Players. :)

Not all.. But yeaaa ;)

Us with the 2nd place trophey ;)

The two LufBru guys team ;)

Just incase any of you were wondering, yes I did join the BSU winter games. It was fun. It was funny and we unbelievably went into the quarter finals. Not bad for a second team right? Overall I had fun, although it was pretty cold. Anyhoo.. I am in Chester right now at Uncle Peter's with Mayakins and Ajym. Having fun. Having fun..

Till then ;)

2007-12-16T18:28:00.000+08:00

my legs are aching from the BSU winter games. Nyahahahah. But it was all worth it. :D

*smiles all the way*

Happy Holidays everyone.. Selamat Hari Raya Haji in Advance and Happy New Year. :)

Wootwoot. Double chin hidden!!!!!!!!!!.. hahahahahahaahhaahha..

saplei!

2007-12-11T16:19:00.000+08:00

I just got back from Sharpley. After the whole day in the library touching up the coursework report, I was too stressed out to attend any of the lectures. Ditched the whole idea of university, and went straight to town with Amri. I don't know why I was in town in the first place, so I had this idea that I'd go visit SYAHEIR who I met on the way. He was on the way to class. Bummer. Oh well, scratch that :P I went to Iceland, NewLook and many other stores (which I dont remember). Ended up watching COFFEE PRINCE at Ainah's place. OMG. I was addicted to Korean Series, now I'm addicted again. No thank you to Amri for introducing it to me :P BUMMER.

I stayed for dinner, and left with Qilah's bike off to Sharpley. Woot woot. It was far-eeeeeeeezin cold. It was fun talking to the girls, and now I'm here. I left Sharpley around 7.30. Oh we've got this new hoodie.. LufBru's.. #5.. Amalia..

NYAHAHA. im hyper. and I lack sleeeep. And saya abis kraajaa. woot woot. congratulations amalia.

izaaaa : yes FOOOD. *buka iza pnya mata* i miss you baking :(

fidz : awh, yeah, last week was hectic. NOW, it's not. I feel really freee~ Wheeeee.. HAHAHA. The eyebags were mainly because of the work that needed to be done. Why don't u pass your stuffs to me time Winter Games?

... : (cha) (cha) (cha) ;p nyeheehehehe..

number 5

2007-12-10T07:06:00.000+08:00

Don't mind the eye bags. I love my curls to the very-very, oh yes I do. Thank you Izaa for inspiring me ;) Wheeeowhee. Anyhoo, hopefully by tommorow all the worries would be over because tomorrow is the day where the coursework group report is due. That way, after tomorrow I won't be needing to actually meet the person who annoys me a lot.

Ah, my nasi goreng; with cucumber. I love it. I love that dish and I swear I would never ever get bored of it, even if it means eating it day and night. You know what is unbelievable? Me finishing the whole container of that while watching a movie. Yes I did finish it.

The Brunei Loughborough team also known as LufBru had two Netball Practises this week. I was glad that it happened because I needed to let out sweat. I haven't been feeling well eversince London. Sigh. My stomach is really upset and I don't know why. I had Maggi just now because I haven't had one since the puasa period; and that was two months ago? Time passes by very fast.

In a week, I'll be probably in Chester shopping with Uncle Peter, till then I am counting days. :)

the replyy

2007-12-06T07:00:00.000+08:00

Being silent is the most painful feeling ever. I know that for a fact because believe it or not I do believe in movies. Movies affect us in so many ways, emotionally, mentally, you name it. Forgive me if I made your eyes shed tears because I didn't mean to really drain people emotions. I know that my posts are so emotional because letting it out to a person is just unfair to some people, hence, blogging it, all my friends know what I am going through without being biased. Right? Anyway, I don't think it's called a blog nor a diary anymore, I remember when I first started talking or posting I posted about my daily life, what I did, what happened, now it's just random feelings that has been in my mind. I seriously have no topic to write about hence the de-blog.

Report sucks big time, but oh-what-to-do, it is just how we live life to improve our standard of living. Without reports, without proper ones I mean we'd probably still be lost. HEEEEEEEEEEEE. Okay, I am just stressed out because of the report. Nanana. I am bored.

tag replies: (at last)

emma : bah come hereee.. we'll go to Pariii~ together..
kaydee : kaka mu tu psycho yoo! hahaah..
izaaa : i am emotional, i guess that makes who i am :') gah. you know what happened that made me so emotional. Can't help it really. SIGH. But I still am surviving ;) and yes I've updated your link my dearest sayang.
jimbo : wheee. I called you sudah tadi, hehehe. Too bad we didn't really spend time together during the Ramah Mesra function. ILoveYOu!
fatin : hehe *hugs* thank you for the hug, it's okay it's virtual because I know you mean it. I mean it's the thought that counts right. =p
mimipoo : work hardd!! and get sponsored to do twinning babe! you know you can do it ;)
zeerah : w00t awuu.. inda sampat chill, inda cool eh. haha
deeba : i knowww.. i dont know where you went after the function. Gila.. The crowd was just crazy..
nazurah : thank you, you take care too najuurah..
YINGYING : HUGSS.. HOW ARE YOUU? i havent heard from you for a longlonglonguberlong time..
mrsazim : awhh. thank you. you take care too..
naz : dude, sudah bejual the car.. for 6000 i think. hehe sayang eh!! aww. thank you for the complimenttttttt.. i needed that. :)
izah : hehe. im sorry.. :)

heartache

2007-12-05T07:41:00.000+08:00

It is aching badly. My grandmother cried infront of the webcam, because she heard my voice. I tried my best not to cry and I didn't. Now, the emotions are just jumbled inside of me. I love my family so much and I am missing a lot. Well, talk about sacrifices. Hehe.

My family is now on their way to KK to visit the relatives there and as usual have their holiday getaway. As you know, I never expected to get a scholarship, I thought I'd be driving the car. Well, now they're only using a car because daddy's sold the two door patrol. Sigh.

Now, all I have to do is finish write up reports and the coursework report. And by the side, do the mathematics test as well. Till then :)..

:)

2007-12-03T06:17:00.001+08:00

"Gw ama lo ;) "

London was great, seeing other people, people that I missed especially the buiiis and the BSPers. Sigh. I met a few brustuers as well. Sigh, I gotta go, eat dinner and start studying for tommorow. :s..

2007-12-02T07:48:00.000+08:00

I am supposed to be asleep right now, so I can rest my body from roaming around town today and enough for tommorow's event. Please, help me through this weekend and the next week and I'll be fine the days after it. I don't know why even if I blog the emotions are held tight locked in my heart waiting for it to burst. Some say, by saying it out loud or in this case; posting it would actually help a lot.

I want to cry but the tears aren't coming out. I do not want to be emotional, and I am really sorry. SIGH. :'(

the quick update

2007-12-01T19:23:00.001+08:00

Is it me or the weather is getting hotter and hotter? I slept around 4am this morning and woke up around 10 because it was super warm in my room. I was blushing in my sleep or was it because of my dream? My room is still a mess because my mind was just unstable due to the varying emotions from time to time. I am worried about a lot of things and I have mentioned most in my previous posts. The biological reactions, microbiology and organic chemistry is coming up and I feel that I am not ready for it. I've just lost my confidence and it's crazy :(. On the other hand, I love the day, the sun though not the temperature in my room because the heater is crazy. Crazy in a good way though.

The exam timetable is out and I have 3 exams for my modules on the 25th January, 4th February and 5th February. That means that I can play paintball at the end of that week and be ready before the 23rd February, the real tourney. I hope I can make it to that practise. Oh gosh, I don't like my room, clothes are everywhere, so are cards, clips, gadgets, lotions, wires. NYAHHAHA. People would call it OCD, you know arranging everything in colour. I always do that when my mind's messed up; now I'd have to continue tidy up my room!

ALright then, cheerios :p

2007-12-01T07:11:00.000+08:00

It has been more than a year and I still feel the same way I felt a year ago. Everytime I think about you, my lips curve into a smile. Every now and then, you come back into my life and light my candle up, it burns the oxygen in the room without really noticing what the effect might be.

Patience and perseverance =).. Enough said..

excited

2007-11-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

I AM SO EXCITED. I want to thank you His Majesty for giving this oppurtunity to me, us. It gave another reason for Bruneians to flood the London, which means MY FRIENDS ARE COMING. Finally a gathering after being here 2 months.. (haha 2 jua ganya).. I am really-really excited. Gosh. My emotions.. :|

Everything seems.

2007-11-29T06:19:00.000+08:00

I am fine =)

Sports make me mighty fine, I've lack of sleep because I was chatting with Harz. I haven't chatted with him since, we were 5. LOL. Nah, yeah it was weeks ago so I felt relieved after talking to Rz. The thing is, we were supposed to be asleep or doing our work because we both have our own workload to worry about but instead we ditched it and updated each other. It was funfunfun. I am happy, although I need to catch up with my sleep time. The lectures on Process Balances and Processes just went through my brain without registering, well some parts of the Processes did get into my brain but most of them didnt.

Basically that was the end of the day. I was supposed to catch up on either my sleep or revision but instead I was so caught up with songza.com. Grr. I need to put a halt onto this. But yeah :P

Okie, my brain's not working well. I had four hours of sports, 2 hrs of netball and another 2 of badminton. I feel healthy! =)

Much love,
Amalia.

heartiest

2007-11-27T09:14:00.000+08:00

It is obviously past Monday and I still have not calmed down. My emotions are going downhill and tears is just not an option. Crazily, I managed to finish a worksheet on this very useless night. It's 17 minutes past 1 a.m and I am wide awake. I miss my family so much and I don't know if it's homesick or not. I can't be homesick for months can I? Can it be this bad? Well, whatever happens.

I like my Uni life, apart from missing my family back home and lesser (trust me, very less) time with the girl friends, everything is doing good. I am catching up and am most certainly not slowing down, I just need to keep up with this pace for a while and get used to it. I am not that excited with the winter vacation, so scratch that off the list.

Highlights of this week would be:
1) Me chairing the presentation for the coursework meeting (which was this morning, and it went well)
2)Next episode of Heroes today (more like later)
3)A lot of catching up on Microbiology, Biological Reactions and Organic Chemistry ( revisionwise for the text nextweek)
4)Completion of the mathematics sheets =) (Almost there!!!) for the test next week
5) Netball and badminton sessions on Wednesday
6) NANGNAK. (inside joke)
7) London ( wheee.. not confirmed yet)
8) Reports on fluid mechanics and three lab reports for the next two weeks =)

Habis kah? LOL. OKay I'm really hungy. Oh, me and Ajym made donuts from scratch and our donuts tastes like tumpi manis. LOL. Seriously. =P

And oh, I'm playing for BruStu for the MadPaintBallThingy! ;) Just had a crazy conversation with the BruStuers. Was fun fun fun!

Manchester Trip

2007-11-25T20:52:00.000+08:00

I can't help feeling emotional all week long. You know, just when you realise something is missing because you usually do with it along the side. I have always took things for granted and it is very wrong. I've turned to this girl who is very judgemental and I am not liking myself from one view to another. I still remember the days where people used to compliment me because of my attitude. I guess it all changed when you encounter so many problems and it becomes a self defense kind of thing. The thing is, the effect is long termed.

Looking at people shopping with their families yesterday just turned me inside out. Boy, the whole idea of shopping was just turned off. The company from Manchester was great but we, well I wasn't in the mood for anything really. I really hope Ajym and Kaydee did have fun. I was not satisfied with the whole netball/badminton play. The time was too limited and I wished I could've played more. Nevertheless, I had fun in the locker room with all the other LufBru girls. HAHA. That sounded wrong, but whatevs~ Righto~?

The Christmas Market was awesome unfortunately we had only around 20 minutes to roam around :( We had to meet up and yeah, go back to the meeting point. Sigh. Thank you Syaima, Zainal and Sanny for the tour. ;)

Manchester a great city, I'm looking forward to another trip there. So beware SYAI!!

Pictures? Get a facebook account :p

Loveeeeee,
Amaliaaaa..

The Morn of the Manch Trip

2007-11-24T14:38:00.000+08:00

It's only half an hour past six, and I'm up; I'm in Kaydee's room with Ajym. We slept over and we slept REALLY late. Nevertheless we're awake and getting ready to go to MANCHESTER. Well, not exactly; Kaydee's still in bed it's just me and Ajym who has woken up . I am excited, I can't wait to play netball or badminton. Sports make me happy.

Syai : wheee im gonna seesee you ;)..

Easter Plan.

2007-11-22T20:14:00.000+08:00

Haloo.

My defintion of Easter Plan is going to the EuroDisney Park in Paris~ So if any one wants in please leave a comment or a tag. Wheeeowheee. I can't wait..

Fidz: ur in ;)!

2007-11-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

YA ALLAH.

What an emotional rollercoaster. Classes were fine today, but I was lost, very lost. I forgot what date it is and what's on the schedule.

I watched the latest episode of heroes and I cried towards the end, I am not going to spoil anything but yeah. Then I watched hairspray and other movies; talk about slacking. I smiled and I cried, there's just so many emotions clogged in me and too many thoughts up in my mind. I thought courseworks tests were over, apparently it is not. Most of my modules has coursework, scratch that, all of my modules has coursework. Bummer. Applications is 100% coursework and I have to get ready with what's going to happen. I expect reports to be handed in before semester 2 or worse after the winter vacation. I just found out that I have a coursework test on microbiology, biological, chemical reactions and organic chemistry early December. And a Maple progamming sheet which is a coursework as well, oh no, i have two sheets; one to be handed in on the 14th of January and the other is for Easter. Wawaweee~

There was snow a few nights ago (Sunday), did I say that already? I bet I did. :P

"It's snowing~ It's snowing~ But where is my prince charming~~ "

2007-11-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

The presentation wasn't as bad; but still is not the best when you know you could've done better right. Can't guys stop looking down at girls, I am a female but I too have brains. I really wished I could earn my dignity and respect just by doing all the stuffs that's required but apparently it's not enough. Sexism! Nyahaha. Whatevs.

A whole few weeks since I actually blogged, pictures are all in facebook so feel free =p Every week is a cycle, Mondays are always stressful, Wednesday relaxing, Thursday tension and the weekend.
Sundays are depressing. That's how my life is here. Sunday's are usually the time when we say goodbyes to the people we tend to care a lot about and it's just depressing.

Alhamdullillah, last week (yesterday) ended up with a Netball Session. =) Yes. Sports makes me happy, I don't care how the people around me are, it's just the excessive respiration :) Heee. Okay STOP. Plus I played with Ajym, Kaydee which makes it even better. AND oh, dinner, we had chicken :D WHeee..

I need to get some sleep, hopefully I'll get some. Till next time?

2007-11-18T08:30:00.000+08:00

I am stressed out. :|

chesterite

2007-11-12T05:29:00.000+08:00

It's near to the very end of the weekend. Ah yes, the downside of the week. My coughing and cold is getting worse and I'm very dizzy. The weekend in Chester was great, thank you for those who came and those who couldn't tis okay!! :) I enjoyed my weekend because I was looking forward to it since forever. I know it didn't really turn out like what I expect it to be, but the company I had was enough to make me feel loved.

I have to go now, hope I get better soon.

20th birthdayy

2007-11-10T10:32:00.001+08:00

Happy Belated Birthday Yati Lawa. Teehee. May all your wishes come true and God bless you. All the best in life. You've been such a good friend and know that I'll always be here for you. Thank you for the rides out to lunch or dinner when i needed company in Seria. Lots of hugs and kisses from me.

busywusy

2007-11-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

I've been putting on hold a lot of things especially this blog. I've uploaded most pictures to my photobucket account but I haven't had the time to post it here. Well, I've uploaded it to my facebook anyway.

I also want to express my gratitude to all of you who has wished me the Special Greeting for my 19th Birthday on the 5th. Yes, remember remember the 5th of November. Hehehe. Well that would be a special post dedicated to all of you.

I have been so busy that I hadn't any time to edit anything. Thank god for the people around me, they remind me that I do have a life. Otherwise, I'd be so down buried in the deepshit work that I have to do. Nyam. I've never been so busy my whole life. I thought working in Shell was busy enough, but NO, uni is much more hectic. Hahah. I like it really it keeps me alive.

As I said, everyweekend is usually booked. I am going to Chester this weekend to have a mini gathering with some of the girls. Unfortunately, not all can turn up. It upsets me terribly that not all can come but I can't blame them for not coming because somethings are just the way it is. But yknow how we get excited and everything backfires? Ah yes, that is the feeling. I try not to think about it as it upsets me even more. On the other side of the story, last night I went to the funfair in town. IT WAS THE BOMB. Well, after what I've been through it felt great going on the rides and screaming my lungs out. I feel well excited over it that I want to go on the rides again. I told my mom how much I spent and she told me not to feel guilty because it was worth it. I thought about it before I slept and yes it was true. At least, I don't feel like exploding or anything.

Cat just asked me why I don't blog at home. She's next to me right now doing her Spreadsheet for Application. Come to think of it, I don't know really, I guess the sound of the keyboard when I type just encourage me to blog more and more. Gah. I have to get back to work now. Adios.

Back from Cardiff

2007-11-05T17:08:00.001+08:00

Whee, I am back from Cardiff and I've got lots to update :) I am speechless.. :') Really. Hehehe.

birthday wish

2007-10-30T08:46:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday Jimbo <3

I love you and I can't wait to see you in Cardiff this weekend. *hugs*

It is a rollercoaster.

2007-10-29T10:14:00.000+08:00

Every week always ends sadly and I have been fretting about Monday blues eversince I started blogging in 2003. The weekend always seem like a dream, the weekend where I always travel and meet my friends whom I've spent so much time with for these past few years. I, haven't been myself for quite a while now, and a few days define that. My heart's burning inside and I feel so emotional but I really find it hard to let it out and let myself cry. I know one thing that's upsetting me is definitely being so far away from my parents, the other is just something I don't ever want to talk about anymore and the other thing is my work.

Keeping my calm throughout the weekend was rubbish. I tried to push the emotions back in so I could make the best of my London trip last week (considering it's already 2.30am now) and spend it wisely with Uncle Peter. Going to the train station was the hardest part and I tried to stall it but I know eventually I had to make my way onto the train. This week, I find it so hard to really find happiness despite the things that I have been given. It upsets me as well that I am taking it for granted the gifts that he gives me when I know if I were myself I would've jumped around feeling happy.

You know what, I hope you're happy with what you are doing and what you did. It's just so unreasonable to just pin-point. I have had enough and thank you.

On the other note, I love you friends. Sigh.

:(

2007-10-25T06:35:00.001+08:00

I am missing them badly, and I am having a rough time dealing with it. Crazy you may call it.

whats that

2007-10-17T07:44:00.000+08:00

Man, am I always busy every weekend? It seems like I am always constantly out of Loughborough every weekend. Maybe it's just something to really keep my mind off missing someone. Problem is now, I have to juggle everything and organise it properly. Thank god for the diary and huge-ass calendar I have on the wall; I am doing good so far.

I am really sick, it was like a suprise because just a few hours ago I was fine and happy. Just before dinner, I started to feel funny and it became worse. I gave up half of my food and took a warm shower hoping it'll lighten, instead I puked out my dinner and it wasn't a good thing. My temperature started rising and my head started to gain weight. It was a horrible sensation. Thank god Ajym was with me and Zainul for walking all the way here to send me Aspirin.

I slept for a gruelling two hours and here I am wide awake with a heavyhead. *sigh*. Anyway, I hope I'll feel better tommorow. :) Teeehee. <33

2007-10-16T05:47:00.001+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya. Forgive me for my wrongdoings. I know it's way belated :)

when

2007-10-16T05:16:00.000+08:00

The view outside my window.~

Kaydee and Zainul, HSBC.
James France, Sungkai :)

Kaydee and me ;)

Ajym and er.... hmm...

Takbir Session at the Seniors ;)

Not all of us :S

Ajym and the autumn scenery in Loughborough.

I miss a lot of people in my life. It's not that I am not happy here in Loughborough, but it is that usual feeling that you'd always feel when you are away from your loved ones. Homesick. Is this the definition. I just miss my mom and dad to the most, I am just used to talking to them everyday, easily and those times I took it for granted. Now being so far away and with the hugetime difference it's hard to catch them online when I am free, or for them to catch me online because my week is always full.

I have been doing a lot of things eversince I came here. I've explored the town by foot, walked all the way to and from Tesco (a 30 minute walk), walked around campus, done shopping for groceries, and slowly starting to decorate my room. I've finally a digital camera, it was once Uncle Peter's. He gave me a 2GB memory card as well. Thank you so much.
My messy table ;)

To this ;)
More pictures on facebook, it still takes ages to upload. Bummer.

update from loughborough

2007-10-03T08:28:00.000+08:00

It's 30 minutes pass 1 in the morning here and I am wide awake. So far the lectures had been alright. It's good that the lecturers do not jump straight into the topic but allowed us to recall what we have studied during A levels as well as digest the new information. I have never been so hungry in my life. Everyday when I break the fast, I'd usually finish the whole plate of rice that is served at James France (where the Muslim Prayer room is in Loughborough). Don't expect me to lose weight while I am staying here.

Homesick is not much of a problem here because there are a lot of Bruneians around and they do make me feel like home but that does not prevent me from making new friends with other nationalities. It is good that the student union as well as the International students department organize events where we can meet other people other than people who is taking the same course. The freshers week that I have in my halls would have been really helpful for me to meet new friends as well but I prefer not to join them due to my own reasons. :) I am not anti-social; or am I? I don't know :P

Lately, I have been browsing through the fares from Loughborough to any other county where my friends are. Some are quite cheap, some very lengthy. I would probably start travelling a lot after Hari Raya because the thirst you get here is different from in Brunei. I am sure that most of you know that anyway ;) I have also adapted to my prayer times as well although the days seem to be much more shorter.

I hope three years from now, I would still be me but a much better person. I hope I won't change drastically and I hope that I won't disappoint anyone. I will try my best ;)

To my dearest family: I love you all to death. And thank you for bearing with me all this while.

Friends; I may have taken some of you for granted, who knows. But I want to thank everyone who sent me off at the airport and messaged me Bon Voyage. It really do mean a lot to me and I am really sorry I did not pay much attention and give enough affection to each of you guys. I heart you guys yeah. :) Thank you so much.

the morning pictures

2007-09-27T15:58:00.001+08:00

The window I opened because it was warm inside my room, or maybe it's just me because my bed is next to the heater.
My bed. Oh yes Pinkapinkaaaa and as you can see the heater right next to it ;)

The view from the bedroom window i just opened. This was taken around 8 ish. With the sun out and everything.

The other window, near to my bed. Uncle Peter's car.

I just had my shower and my god it's freezing. I knoww! But I love bathtubs I can't get enough of it, just relaxes me and my whole body. ;) Nyam. Good morning everyone ;)

byebye london. hello chesire

2007-09-27T14:58:00.001+08:00

We reached uncle peter's home in Chesire/Wales yesterday after visiting Loughborough. It was a long drive from London and I had nausea . Yeah that is what usually happens if I don't sit in the front. It was approximately 1 hour and 45 minutes from London to Loughborough and another two hours to this house in Chesire because we used the A6 instead (country road).

The front view of the house.

The back view of the house.

Apples in the garden

The apple tree

Uncle peter being lazy

The kitchenn

The bbq grill at the back

More pictures to come. I woke up early today around 7 because it was hot. Now that I've opened the window my room's cold! Hahaha. My fingers are frozen. OKay too much exaggeration there. I'll update and edit the pictures below as well.

I am so nervous about moving the uni later. SIGH. My parents are gonna leave me now :(

2007-09-26T23:19:00.000+08:00

2007-09-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

lagging bnrrr kan upload :p i'll continue next timeee.. I AM AS HEALTHY AS AN ELEPHANTE~ AHAHA.. bnr..

byeeee

names and dames

2007-09-19T11:46:00.000+08:00

I have a few names in mind for my gadgets; Lil Miss Sophie, Scofield and Pinka.

Heeeeeeeehehe. That was random :) My flight is tonight! I get to see Uncle Peter after a long time, well not really that long, twas since January. Nyam.

wishing for the best

2007-09-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

From

to..

Bye bye long haiirr.. I look the old me, I look childish as well. Omg, I am so nervous about tommorow, no wait, I am more nervous about starting uni life. Why do we have to grow up so fast? *sigh*

Anyway, I am leaving with some things unsaid to some of my closest friends. I hope you understand the isolation and I wished I had the guts to say what's up and what's wrong and help you through. I am just not that strong in that way.

Puasa is really eating up my mind, I am so tired and sick as well. I've a sore throat but I hope everything goes well.

Sacrifices

2007-09-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending. Cranked up in the mixture of the emotions is just terrible, but nothing is worst than feeling empty. I am not sure what to do to spend more quality time with my siblings. It's hard knowing that they would be without their eldest sister to look up or to refer to. It is my youngest sister's birthday today and I know that she is upset inside that I am leaving soon. She knows it is for the best and I love her for supporting me.

I have started packing my clothes a few minutes ago and I have around 20 pieces of clothing so I don't need to worry about shopping there for autumn/winter clothes. That way I can save up my money and use the MCOs Shell provided. I've ran out of ideas of what else to bring so I am leaving half of suitcase empty for my mother to fill.

One thing I realised sending my friends off; more of the guys cry rather than the girls. There was this guy and he carried a box of tissue, awwwww.. Man, how he must have felt with his mother hugging him, saying a few last advices. *sniffles* I still remember how I felt when I left Brunei for Japan; leaving my family to represent the country. *phewwww* Speaking of which, I read some old posts that I posted up when I came back from Japan, it was a group blog consisting of all the participants from Brunei and oh-my-god I sound very childish. I am not saying that I don't anymore, I admit I still write in a childish manner but the blogs I posted years ago was very.. different. It made me laugh reading the posts. Memories.

Memories, pictures capture this. These are some pictures from Monday night. It was a last-minute thing. "Shibaby" is my sister's nickname from "si baby" which my dad calls her. She's going to hate me for posting this up. Nyeh :p She did when she saw her suprise cake had that name on it. It was a funny experience because the employees from Zaika sang her the birthday song, and refered her as Shibaby because it was on the cake. I had a good laugh.

My brotherrrrr and me

The siblings and my dearclosefriend since babies, Didi

This one is just random, the two babies (grown babies) I simply adore. The ones I try to avoid to bring out because they've been saying my name that I'd be picking them up. It really bring tears to my eyes when their mother passes me the phone and them saying that they're looking for me. SIGH.

My family my pillars.

flight

2007-09-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

I have been sending people off for two days straight. The airport is now like a gathering point for everyone, it's funny that initially you intend to send 2 of your friends you end up sending around 5 or 6 of them.

Anyway, I am looking forward in going off to the UK because of course there is something that is motivating me of wanting to be there soon! *dances around like a maniac*

I've nothing much to say, only that I should start packing soon! Here are the details of my flight:

19th September 2007; 8pm ; Will be there 5 onwards =)

in my dreams.

2007-09-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

a bench. a boyfriend. the sunset. and of course no litter around :P ;; SIGH.

pose it!

2007-09-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

DO THE POSE!..

Mini Me

2007-09-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

Eee.. The Mini Mallyaaa's yes yes. So cute!! I love :)

:S

2007-09-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

*deleted*

baby

2007-09-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

Spent my afternoon with her =) Her mother had been saying that she missed me too much that I should spend some time with her before I go. Well, I did but I hope to see her again this Saturday. But kesian this, I left her when she wanted to shower with me. Twas already late, so I left her when she took her shower. Don't worry~ hehehe. I love you Ziqah.

whut

2007-09-05T16:34:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the extended lunch date ;) Wheeeoowheeee ;) It was great to see the familiar faces again, the ones who I lived with for three months in Seria. Hajah Nizan, treated us lunch at the Thai Food Restaurant in Serusop, God, I was bloated. The actual plan was to go home and change in time for gym with Mase. But I changed it, stupid thing is I forgot to inform Mase that I am not coming. Sorry :P But she did call me up ;) Anyway, back to the topic, after lunch the female bsp scholars went around, window shopping, laptop- seeing, router comparing, jeans-fitting. Hahaha. Gosh, I took the leap of faith to go out with them because I was afraid I was going to be really quiet. Yes, my mind is STILL messed up, but what to do right? I am leaving in two week and if it's not now that I get to spend time with in Brunei, when would the next time be right? Gotta, push all the silly-stupid-suicidal-depressive-stressed feeling into that tiny little compartment in my heart.

Fidz realised that I was quiet and she thought I just woke up; truth is :P I woke up earlyyyy it's just something else. I knew something IS going to happen today. Well, walaaa~ *On MSN*, *offline message appeared*...

ended with a "goodbye" =s..

ah yes ;) I bet you readers can guess what it would've contain right? Relieved? Suddenly all the feelings that I pushed into the tiny compartment goes out in the open :'(. I gotta learn to maintain, this is very hard. So many feelingssss. Nyam.

Maybe the gym workout would've been a better choice, but who knows right. Sigh. I really wish it didn't happen this way. But hey, fact's a fact. "As a matter in fact" as Aimuuu would always say. Alright ;)

wednesday

2007-09-05T10:18:00.001+08:00

So much to do~ so little time~
So much to do~ so little time~

*does the "so much to do~ so little time~" dance*

I've threee overdued books! Gaaaaa.. Need to read! But I am always pretty hyped up. Tv's calling my name so are the DVDs. Gagaga. My mind is a total mess right now. I don't know if I should have my vaccination yet, I haven't had the time to ask the other scholars if we really require it because so far none of my friends had taken the shots. I really don't want to take unnecessary shots OR get it twice when it's not required.

I have a lunch date at 11.30~ Finally, a date where there's actually one then there's the gym ;) Wooohoo. That's pretty much a Wednesday day for me this week.

p/s: now I've kept track of days and dates ;) heheheheheheh